Q&A with Maya Ricote AY AM!

The show explores the pressure to perform as both an artist and a woman. Did clowning help you process those expectations differently?

I am a woman, and I create things, so I am an artist. Simple as that. Somewhere along the way I put them on a pedestal, and it's only by bringing them down to eye level that I've been able to free myself from the impossible ideal that keeps you from putting yourself out there. Clowning helped me process this, along with everything else in my life. Ego death is lesson one: you're not above or below anyone when faced with honest human play. In everyday life we follow gender-based expectations without ever really looking at them or questioning how they make us feel. As a woman, I'm aware my physical presence says a lot about me, performing beauty and softness instead of trusting the strength already there. Clowning exposed my need to perform ugly in order to be funny, as if the two couldn't coexist. I'd crouch and pull silly faces and voices, needing the laugh to land on an idea rather than on me. I didn't need that mask, it wasn't honest, I was scared of facing my own beauty. I hid from the power of simply standing tall, playing away from myself instead of into myself, embarrassed by the thought of taking up space. When I stopped hiding it, people laughed anyway. Laughter is the direction to follow, and now I get to play in a world of ridiculous ideals.

You describe the show as being about “feeling every feeling.” Do you think modern life encourages people to hide emotion rather than fully experience it?

Absolutely, just with the idea of on your own time you’re on your phone scrolling instead having time with yourself. Disassociation is a huge problem in our society. I feel that in modern life we are constantly accommodating and hiding ourselves for others around us to be “ok”. This “im fine” world we live in doesn’t teach us that honesty and vulnerability are the only things that bring people together.

You grew up around strict ideals of beauty and performance. Did clown feel liberating because it embraces imperfection and vulnerability?

Clowning is freedom. It's extremely liberating, simply allowing yourself to acknowledge what success versus failure really feels like in the body. "Dare to be seen in your honest vulnerability," the core principle. It was the scariest thing I've ever had to face. I had to cry and cry and cry in order to allow myself to relearn, to face society with honesty rather than performance, changing the feeling of being observed into the chance to observe the world outside of me.

This is your Edinburgh Fringe debut. What excites you most about bringing such a strange, ambitious show to the festival?

I'm so excited, I can’t be more proud of my show! I don’t find it strange, I think I'm simply mirroring a side of our humanity obsessed with youth and beauty enhancements. The image is striking but doesn’t feel so far off from reality, let's not forget the Kardashians. It feels necessary for me to shine a light on this absurdity! Me and Dan Lees have worked so hard on this show and the idea of getting it out there makes me scream!

Your show sounds incredibly theatrical and visual. Do ideas usually begin with images for you rather than jokes?

It's highly visual since its clown show. It was felt in the body and following impulses as well as playing with imagery.

Maya Ricote: AY AM! performs at Pleasance Courtyard - Cellar from 5th - 30th August at 10:40pm. For more information visit https://www.edfringe.com/tickets/whats-on/maya-ricote-ay-am